Can I ask you one question? Do you ever wonder why you're single?

No you didn't you dickhead, you called up Citibank and complained about your statement.

- musttered in response to consultant saying he consulted for Citibank, etc. etc. etc. more blowhard stuff.

No, but when he has a bowel movement let me know.

-in response to my question if he knew that Henrik Lundqvist was already in Ottawa for his NHL game tomorrow.

Too bad we don't sell vacuum cleaners. We could call it the iSuck.

-in meeting about naming our products beginning with "i"

What did the sweet potato say to the white potato? I yam what I yam and that's what I yam.

I wish your headache was worse so you'd shut up.

-in response to my notifying officemate the did not sing the dot com part of our domain name like I think he should.

How do you spell misspelled?

-Officemate just asked me this highly ironic question